The Laughter In Between...

  My Mom (who I was so glad to have with me during my first week of recovery from surgery) pointed out that although she could relate to my feelings of woe at heading into reconstruction... that she felt a poignant chapter of the story had been left out of my Blog... the 'elation in between'... and I agree. 

  Once the initial shock of what my body had undergone had sunk in and I saw that I had made it  through... the euphoria took over.  Somewhere in the middle of our laughter and joy of having made it through the surgery, I realized how overwhelming my fears had been and the affect they had on me.  I felt that this was going to be the one thing that was bigger than me... after all the battles I've already fought in my life... Breast Cancer was going to bring me to my knees... crying and saying I just wasn't strong enough to deal with it.  

  Thankfully, I was mistaken... I was strong enough... I made the decisions that I didn't want to make but no one else could for me... and I rid my body of this horrible disease... hopefully for good!  We laughed until I was afraid I was hurting the muscles in my chest, we wrapped me in pink ribbons and took photos... declaring me 'Mrs. Survivor'!  My Mom (at a moment's notice) got on the Clipper ferry and walked into our apartment ready to do whatever had to be done... and then some! :)  My sister drove down from Victoria, filled with support and openness and love... and showered them over me.  David was here, in the kitchen with Mom & Linda; cooking dinners, doing the cleaning, laughing and swimming in the joy of having the surgery behind all of us.  

  I was so grateful just to have an itch scratched under my 'too tight' mastectomy bra, to be able to sit in the bathtub and have David wash my back, to be able to feel well enough to make phone calls/send emails to say 'I Made It'!.  My doctors were amazed at not only how well my body was healing... but at my wonderful, positive attitude... choosing to make this bad time into something positive and keeping my eyes on the end of this journey... focusing on beating this disease and getting back to being 'Me' :)  The day of my being announced as 'Cancer Free'... David, Mom & I drove out to Snoqualmi Falls & North Bend; two places we love... to share them with my Mom and celebrate... 'Life' :)

  Those great moments are certainly all a part of this journey... this roller coaster... I realize my blessings of being beyond Cancer... now I'm riding the track in this rickety cart, on this crazy ride... no longer in fear of free falling to my demise... just holding on for dear life and waiting for it to slow down to a stop... so I can get off... and stroll along calmer paths...