Eyes Open...

Funny thing when you have absolutely no idea how to deal with something, how to absorb it... how much you allow it to absorb you... Something gets presented to you, becomes part of you and you have to keep it from becoming you.  Within the confines of this amazing mind of mine; the words 'Ductal Carcinoma In Situ' have rattled around a million and one time in the past three days.  In fact they're still knocking around in there right now as I try to paste my thoughts together.  

I promised myself that I'd use the Internet as a tool and not a weapon (against my already overloaded and befuddled mind).  My initial plan was to read only information that was written in the past 18 months and only from dependable sources, no 'chat rooms' or 'survivor forums' to further add to my confusion.  Well, that lasted for the first two days and even when only sticking to the 'real' information... it ranges from 'walk in the park' to 'hell on earth' so I decided to find out what the 'real people' were experiencing.  When I did venture into some user forums last night and chatted with some people coping with Breast Cancers of various levels of severity, I was a little overwhelmed.  I was asking about reconstruction after mastectomy and one woman replied 'mine turned out great... want to see them'?  Um... no thanks! :p  

I was taken aback by the number of women who were at first diagnosed with DCIS and within days/weeks of that original diagnosis, learned that the situation was much worse than they had anticipated.  To complicate matters even further for me, I'm learning that many women chose to go the 'radical route' and have their breasts removed to prevent having to deal with any future Cancers.  Kind of like getting ahead of the disease by removing the parts... so the disease can't have them!  *A La Christina Applegate*  I do realize that the real 'success stories' aren't going to be the women that are reaching out on Internet chat sites at 1am so I will keep my wits somewhat about me :)  I still am standing by that place in my heart/mind that says this could really be the 'best of the worst' and that it could all be over as quickly as it began... but I think allowing a little 'reality' in there to keep things on an even keel is warranted as well.  

One good thing I learned in my reading/interacting last night is that MRI is apparently the 'best' way to see everything that's lurking within the body, so I'm grateful that's what's next for me.  I've always said that if you're afraid to find out what may or may not be there... don't even look.  My eyes are wide open.