(Wikipedia Entry)
A booby prize is a joke prize usually given in recognition of a terrible performance or last-place finish. A person who finishes last, for example, may get a booby prize such as a worthless coin. Booby prizes are sometimes humorously and jokingly coveted as an object of pride.
Booby prizes, however, may not be given just to those who just have a terrible performance. At times, booby prizes can be given to all non-placing participants of a competition.
It's been more than a month since I've posted here and I suppose I'd consider the in between 'settling time'. I was hoping (and continue to hope) that I will adjust and accept what continues to feel foreign to me. That's not really an accurate description of what I feel... because a big part of the problem is that I really don't 'feel' at all. With the DCIS/ALH/ADH that was removed from my body... along went the tissue, fat and most importantly, the nerve endings that allowed tactile sensation to travel from the skin of my breasts to my brain... sending messages of touch and temperature. Ironically enough, there seems to be no shortage of the sensations of pain I feel, not on the surface but deep in my chest wall... along with never ending 'pings and pains' in various areas of my breasts, which I keep trying to convince myself is signs of nerve regeneration. In actuality... I have no idea what causes it.
My breast surgeon had made it crystal clear to me that I would lose tactile sensation to my breasts and that it was part of the price paid to rid breasts of cancerous cells. That sounded like a fair exchange at the time and even now when I think of it in a logical sense, the trade is certainly a worthwhile one. The doctors did their jobs now it's time for me to do mine and move my focus to the positive aspects of having dealt with Breast Cancer.
This week my brother lost a good friend in a tragic car accident, the kids ventured back to school, I got to spend the weekend with my best friend, relaxing and enjoying great music... The big wheel keeps on turning. Time to thank the universe that I'm here to accept the 'booby prize'... adjust... accept... and carry on...
Lisa ox
4 comments:
Lisa,
I have had a double mastectomy with immediate reconstruction and have read your Blog alot. I am having alot of pain and weird feelings. I have pins and needles all over the top of my chest and under my arms--but it is painful. I feel like a tight bra constricting my "boobs" and of course phantom pain. How are you coping or are you having as much pain as me.
Thanks, Debbie
Hi Debbie, How long has it been since your mast surgery? I went up and down with pain/tingling/weirdness... all the way through to my exchange surgery (3 months after bilat). To cope I took meds when needed (Oxycodone) and did as much stretching as I possibly could).
My exchange/healing went well now it's mostly just numb and weird... lots to adjust to!
I do hope things get easier for you! Please feel free to contact me anytime at lrtown@gmail.com
Take Special Care!
Lisa
Lisa, you really are a great writer, and I appreciate what you have to say. You let us know that those who have been though what you have...don't just go back to normal. It is a long hard process. Thank you always for sharing.
Carol
ox
Thank you for your kindness Carol... I know it's sincerely from the 'heart' and it is appreciated. Funny thing with this is that there is no 'Normal'... Normal is a dryer setting ;)
I was talking to a good friend on the phone yesterday and she asked if I was 'done'. I told her I'm still struggling with whether to finish the cosmetic reconstruction. She had no idea what I was talking about. I said 'nipples'... she said she really didn't know what to say... that she had no idea how much of 'me' I had lost in the battle.
I think I'm still in the process of assessing the damages...
Lisa xo
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