Slow & Steady... Like a Turtle... Relatively...

  I realized today that it's been almost a month since I've entered a post here.  That's probably got a lot to do with the fact that I try to live by the 'If you have nothing good to say... don't say anything at all' motto.  The past few weeks have been an effort in frustration for me with my reconstruction... as well as other areas of daily life.  I thought trying to sell myself to a potential employer was tough BBC (that would be 'Before Breast Cancer') but now that I'm unable to 'push/pull/lift' anything, it puts an other ding in my fender so to speak.  None the less, I plug away and know that 'something' will present itself... if I dig enough for it :)

  As far as my reconstruction goes... it hasn't been going anywhere... except perhaps backwards.  I should be keeping better notes for myself as I find myself staring at the calendar, wondering what happened/when?  Let's see, if Feb/10 was my surgery... Feb/18th was being deemed 'Cancer Free' and getting my surgical drains out... Feb/24 or 25 would have been getting my stitches out.  That would have put my first expander fill on the first week of March; 60cc's on the L only (I had zero fill on the L @ time of surgery and 60cc's in the R).  Mar/10 or 11 was 100cc's on both sides... followed by 60cc's on both sides on Mar/17.  That would put me at 220cc's and our aim is about 450cc's.  More than half of the race still lays in front of me and I'm chomping at the bitt to get back at it!

  I was learning that dealing with the pain of the fills and the shifting of the expanders in my chest were factors that could not be ignored and hoped that would be the worst of the entire experience... that would take me to the third week of March... when my incisions started blistering/opening/bleeding and led to about 8 stitches (4 on each side) on Mar/23rd.  Before the stitches I had been doing everything I could to keep the wounds dry/clean and in optimum healing mode... no showers (only baths & washing my hair in the sink), trying to fashion bandages that wouldn't touch the wounds (while keeping them safe and protected), cutting holes in t-shirts to wear around the house (to keep my 'parts' al fresco :) and reminding myself to cover up before going outside :), sleeping carefully/uncomfortably on my back (trying not to let the covers brush on me too much/trying to keep the cat from walking/pouncing/laying across my chest), trying not to sweat too much while exercising... All the while trying not to drive David (or myself) insane by allowing this to take over my every waking moment... speaking of waking moments... I'm weaning myself off of the sleeping pills I've been taking for the past two or so months... has not been pleasant...  The stitches finally came out yesterday and the incisions look good... as do the other two blistered areas that opened up through the week (but that's another matter entirely... and hopefully on their way to healing).  

BUT... other than that... I'm relatively fine :)

  I know all this will be over some day... well relatively over.  I'll get my wounds healed, get back to getting fills and fussing about the pain instead of the slow healing process.   Then I'll get to hope that the Plastic Surgeon says we can do the exchange surgery before the date of our calendar year end for insurance coverage at the end of May (which is highly unlikely at this point).  I'll get to have surgery to exchange these 'turtle shells' in my chest for squishy implants that (if all goes well) will look and feel almost like real breasts.  Then in another few months (if I choose to) I will be back at my Plastic Surgeon's office to have some skin pulled and twisted, snipped and stitched... to create some fipples (fake nipples) to top off my foobs (fake boobs).  And a couple of months after that (if the skin doesn't atrophy or become infected and actually heals as a mound of puckered skin) I'll be back again for tattooing to create areolas that look just like the ones I had two months ago!  And then if nothing goes wrong in between... I'll be back in surgery in about 10 years getting the implants replaced (nothing lasts forever!).  

  I sit and laugh, wondering if someone reading this would see this as 'self indulgent' and whiney.  In all sincerity... I suppose it is... BUT...  I'm actually relatively excited about the whole process.  I suppose like anything in life... it's the effort/stress/will power we put into something that makes the end result worthwhile.  My new favorite saying is "Plan for the worst ... and hope for the Breasts" :)

Lisa